Nine Questions to Help Determine if You’re Ready to Parent

If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, becoming a mom was probably not on your horizon just yet and you may not feel ready to parent. Deciding to parent a child is a lifelong commitment. And, having a baby will mean that you have to make changes to your lifestyle, finances, relationships and more.

Before making the decision that you’re ready to parent or not, there are so many things to consider that will shape the rest of your life and your baby’s life. That is why we suggest you explore your options in a safe and supportive environment. Below are questions to help you start considering if parenting could be right for you and your baby.

1. Do you want to become a parent now, and for the rest of your life?

Not everyone wants to be a parent at the time they become pregnant, and that’s okay. Think back five years… did you see children in your life at some point? Now think ahead five years… do you see a child included in your life? Sometimes the present moment and circumstances can keep us from seeing our future; one that might include a child. And, sometimes our current circumstances can also make us realize that parenting now is not the best choice.

2. Are you ready to become the parent that your child needs you to be now and for the rest of your life?

There is a big difference between wanting to become a parent and being ready to be the parent that your child deserves and needs. Wanting to become a parent is a wonderful thing that nearly everyone dreams about. However, just because you are facing an unplanned pregnancy doesn’t mean that the time for you to be a parent is now. Are you ready to become a caregiver, give up sleep, and cut back on your social activities such as partying? Are you able to put aside your needs and focus on the needs of your new baby? Do you want to wait until you are married to parent a child? Or, perhaps you feel like now is the right time, you’re ready to parent, and are excited about your future. However you feel is absolutely okay. It may take a bit of time before you feel sure about one path or the other.

3. Is your job stable and are you able to provide for your child’s needs?

Do you have a steady income? You will need to work in order to provide an income for you and your baby. Will your current income support you and your baby? Babies need diapers, wipes, clothing, stroller, car seat, formula, food, medicine and more. On average, children cost $13,000 per year. Do you own a vehicle that is reliable and safe to transport you to work and your child to daycare? Are you able to purchase needed groceries? Do you have health insurance? Will you be able to pay rent or your mortgage payment each month?

4. What childcare arrangements do you have that’s affordable, reliable and safe?

Even with assistance, childcare is expensive. Are there any licensed daycare centers that have openings? Do you have any trusted family members or friends that might be able to help out with a day or two? Will your child have a safe environment with trusted adults while you are working?

5. What resources are available in your community?

The good news is that if you are ready to parent, there are assistance programs to help you with housing, groceries, health insurance, cell phone, daycare and more. You’ve likely heard of WIC, SNAP, and Title XIX. They are all federal assistance programs for food, education and health insurance. Many Hearts pregnancy counselors can work with you to connect you to the resources that you need in your community. You’ll most likely need to continue working to make ends meet, but these resources and programs are an excellent way to supplement your income for a period of time.

In addition to financial resources, there are often other resources to turn to for parenting advice and caring for your new baby. You can check out a book or two from the library, sign up for parenting classes, or join a ‘new moms’ group in person or even online.

6. Do you plan to continue your education or pursue a career?

Education definitely leads to higher paying jobs and more career opportunities. Are you wanting to go back to school to get a degree or a certification? Can you manage both a job and going to classes while raising a child? Going to college while raising a child is possible, but it is certainly more challenging. Maybe you want to plant your feet in the business world and pursue a career that requires travel or an unpredictable schedule. Or, you can put aside your educational and career goals until your child is older and pursue them at a later time. Take some time to think about your future and how either parenting or placing adoption will fit into that plan.

7. Who is your “village” and support system?

Often you will hear the saying, “It takes a village” to raise a child. This is a quite literal meaning when it comes to babies. Who is your support system? For example, who in your “village” could provide financial assistance if needed? Is there anyone trustworthy that could watch your child if needed? Even if you have childcare, there are times when your child is sick and can’t go to daycare as well as times when the daycare closes and you will need backup care for your child.

It is wise to consider your support system before the birth of your baby so that you have an idea of the extent to which those in your life can help with the baby. Is the birth father involved? Extended family? Friends? When you talk to “your village” try to be specific with the kind of help you think you need and determine if you have people to fulfill those needs. Are those people reliable and stable? Do you feel you can count on them? Will they provide a safe place for your child?

Also, do you have someone in your support system that you can turn to for guidance on raising a child? There are so many questions that you’ll have when caring for your new baby; especially if it’s your first child. Your “village” will be very important if you choose to parent, so spend some time assembling your support “team”.

8. How will parenting impact your mental health?

Are you struggling with mental illness such as depression, bipolar disorder, or other condition? The stress of parenting can make your mental health issues worse. Are you at a place in your mental wellness journey where you feel you can handle whatever comes your way?

9. Am I involved in risky behavior and/or battling addiction?

Your baby will need to have a physically and emotionally safe place to learn, grow and develop. Babies and children need stability and to be surrounded by positive people and experiences. Is your living situation stable? Who comes over to your home that would be around your child? Are you battling alcohol, drug or other addiction? Are you living with someone that is verbally or physically abusive? The safety of you and your baby are critical and perhaps the most important factor of all.

Now that you’ve pondered the above factors and questions, the thought of parenting may feel overwhelming and confusing, and that’s to be expected. Try to set aside those feelings as you work through your decision tackling one thing at a time.

Even though you might be feeling overwhelmed, are you excited for the challenges and joys of entering parenthood? When considering all of the above factors, do you feel like your current life and circumstances will be a great fit for your child? Are you at a place in your life where you’re ready to put your child’s needs before your own? If you’re saying “yes”, parenting may be a great option for you to consider further!

If you decide that you aren’t ready to parent, never feel ashamed or guilty. Placing a child for adoption is one of the most brave and loving things a mother can do. There are wonderful families that are waiting to welcome a child into their home, and creating a loving adoption plan may be the right choice for you and your baby.

If you’d like to explore the options or parenting and adoption further, we encourage you to reach out to a Many Hearts unplanned pregnancy counselor. We can help you sort through your options in a safe, supportive, and confidential environment. We will be here for you with no-judgement and no-pressure; just love.